Don't be such a ninny...

Ninny: \'ni-ne\ noun. a fool. 

   "Don't be such a ninny" is a statement I've heard often from the time I was a small child. My remarkable grandmother, Nancy, was affectionately called "Ninny." My older sister, the first grandchild, couldn't say "GranNan," so we stuck with "Ninny." It's hard to put in to words what Ninny meant to me. She was such a rock to everyone she touched - a sweet, beautiful, christian woman who could also be a fireball when needed. I always looked forward to going to Ninny's house. We ate chicken noodle soup and push pops. We watched movies and played with her antique dolls. Every moment was a treat. In a way it was ironic that we called her "Ninny" due to the fact that, as a child, Ninny's mother would always tell her "Don't be such a ninny" when she was being foolish about something. In reality, she was no "ninny" at all. Hearing this phrase so often never meant much to me until now. 

   
      Last May I graduated from Lambuth University in Jackson, TN. I had an amazing four years there where I met some of my best friends who have helped shaped me in to the person I am today. I'm sure I'll talk more about them from time to time. As an Elementary Education major, I spent my last semester getting a taste of the real world through student teaching. I phased out of the college and sorority life, and shifted my focus and heart to teaching. The two placements I taught in were second and fifth grade. I remember driving home from teaching one day thinking about how much these students were impacting me when, shouldn't it be the other way around? I knew then that my heart was in the right place, and that I was meant to teach. At that moment, I was so excited for what my life ahead was to hold.

     
      In August, I found a job in Jackson teaching fifth grade. I was so excited to start my career! Within the first month, I could tell that God had put a special group of children in my class. They were a rough bunch who had home lives that I could never imagine. Every day became survival of the fittest, and sadly, there were most days that I lost. If you've ever seen the movie Lean on Me, I felt as though I was playing a role in that movie. By October, my rose-colored glasses had come off along with the smile that usually stayed put on my face. It seemed everything I was trying was being thrown right back in my face. My parents came to visit my class and with two certified teachers and a cop in the room, it was all we could do to stay afloat. A month later, I decided, along with the help of my friends and family, that it was time to regroup and move on. I turned in my resignation and moved back home to Memphis. I remember my last week of school with my class was rough emotionally. I did truly care about these children, and it broke my heart that I couldn't "fix" them and their lives. I remember crying hysterically in the car with my roommates on the way to Chilli's. I knew I would miss them, worry about them, and laugh when I thought of some of their quirks. In my moment of hysteria, one thing came to mind.... "Don't be such a ninny." 

    
      Was I letting down my Ninny who has been my guardian angel for five years now? Was she disappointed in me for quitting? Or was she telling me to dust myself off and move on? Each day provides a different response to my hysteria. However, at this moment, I sit here as a substitute teacher in Memphis, TN trying to meander through life's journey. I hope to travel down life's road without being a "ninny" only to end up being an even greater "Ninny."